How are people who move to Portland making friends?

Mar. 31—Before the Runaways Run Club heads out on whatever 3.5-mile route around Portland that Mari Balow has mapped out that Wednesday evening, she asks if anyone is new.

Balow, who has been with the free running and social club since it started eight years ago, said she began noticing more new participants who recently had moved the area after the club came back from a hiatus during the pandemic.

"Now, it's literally every week," she said.

When the new runners raise their hands, it not only makes them feel seen but also signals to longer-time members that's who might be in need of a friend when they return to whichever bar where they meet to socialize after the run. Last week, it was Belleflower Brewing in East Bayside.

"It's really scary to go to events like this, but people will come up and talk to you," said Ryan Bouchard, 37, of South Portland, who grew up in Aroostook County but left to live in Massachusetts and didn't know many people in the area when he came back to Maine.

After stagnating for at least a decade, Portland's population jumped more than 4% between 2019 and 2023 to about 69,000, according to census data, and among the people who are moving to the city, more are coming from out of state — about 4,000 of them in that five-year time period.

So how are people with no ties to the area making friends in Portland? At least a few have turned to Reddit, with posts both seeking advice and asking whether others were finding it more difficult than it is elsewhere.

Those who think Portland is particularly unfriendly to friend-making speculated that it's because the city is still home to a lot of people who grew up here and, between friends and family, already have all the companionship they need. Others wondered if the standoffishness they've encountered had deeper roots, going back to the region's self-reliant Puritan settlers.

Some shared friendship-making success stories that involved having kids and meeting other parents, owning a memorable-looking dog or going to AA meetings — not exactly practical advice that anyone new to town could put right to use.

But, the consensus seemed to be that while newcomers shouldn't expect a group of friends to fall into their lap, with some effort you can find a lot of places to meet people who are also looking to meet people. Suggestions included dance classes, like the ones held every week by Portland Swing Project; Casco Bay Sports leagues, ranging from cornhole to water polo; and meetup groups catering to people with both specific and general common interests, like sea kayakers, female investors and millennials.

One of the most frequently mentioned outlets was FriendCon, which isn't solely a group for making friends but a board gaming community that meets at the Woodfords Club in Portland for events including weekly game nights on Saturdays and semi-annual conventions. The next one is this weekend, from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday.

That's how Kate Sullivan and her partner met people when they moved to Maine from New York City in the fall of 2021 — the same month the first FriendCon was held.

Sullivan, 42, who is now an organizer of the group, said she hasn't had a hard time making friends in Portland but admitted that she's "100% a joiner" and, after going to FriendCon events at the Woodfords Club, also became a member there, which has further expanded her social circle.

For people who aren't as extroverted as she is, though, she thinks playing board games can be a great way to make friends, because it takes the pressure off finding topics to talk about while still allowing opportunities for people to click.

Nathan Poppelreiter, 37, who moved to South Portland from Salem, Massachusetts, in September with his partner, agreed that meeting people over a shared hobby helps "bypass the social landmines of awkward silence," he said.

He first found FriendCon online, either through a Google search or Reddit, and has been going to its events since November, when he met three people the first night and is still gaming with two of them. As far as taking those friendships beyond role-playing into more of his real life, he said, "I expect that will grow."

Angie Bryan says the key to turning an acquaintance, like someone you enjoyed chatting with in a yoga class, into a potential friend is what she calls "making the ask" — meaning getting their number or social media info.

"It's about 15 seconds of discomfort, and it can result in very positive things," said Bryan, who's never had someone turn down the request.

Bryan is a bit of a friend-making pro. As someone who lived in about a dozen different places, from Stockholm to Islamabad, during her 26-year career in the Foreign Service, she knew she couldn't wait for people to come to her if she wanted to make friends during her posts. When she retired and moved to Portland in 2018, she put what she'd learned to use here too and even taught a Portland Adult Education workshop called "Expanding Your Social Circle."

She says connecting with people on social media can help you find out what else you have in common, so you then can ask them to do something you know you both enjoy. When attending events alone, she suggests talking to someone else who is by themselves or going up to a group that's having fun, letting them know you're new to town and asking about their favorite restaurants or things to do.

"People love to be helpful and in the know," she said, and has had some go beyond offering recommendations and invite her to join them.

Meeting people who are that welcoming isn't hard in the Runaways Run Club, but it took a while for Lindsey Wilson to find them.

For the first couple years she lived in Portland, where she moved from Massachusetts in her 20s for a job as an HVAC engineer, she struggled to make friends.

It seemed like everyone knew each other from growing up or going to college here. She tried joining recreational sports leagues and women's networking groups, but "nothing really clicked," she said.

Since joining Runaways, however, she's made close friends in the club and more through fellow members.

Wilson, 31, who got engaged a couple weeks ago, said she plans to ask some of them to be her bridesmaids.

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